Awesome and Awkward Thursday (my version)

I love my friends Awkward and Awesome Thursday posts, so I asked her if I could steal it, she said sure, since she borrowed it from someone else. I haven't figured out how to get that persons icon on my site yet, but if you really want that link let me know and I will get it for you.

AWKWARD
Sitting between a married couple on a 2 hour flight

Thinking man, something smells, and then realizing the last patient you helped to the commode pooped on your shoe

Dressing nicely for what you thought was a business meeting, in your nice business suit, and finding everyone else in the meeting dressed in jeans

Being released from a position at church you have only held a couple months, did I do something wrong?  I am sure I didn't, I mean, how can you mess up teaching 3 year olds?  But it does feel awkward.

Running on the treadmill at the gym and realizing that you have something slippnig out from the bottom part of your sports bra,.  How do you sublty fix that?  Heck the whole sports bra thing is awkward.

AWESOME!!!!
Visiting family you haven't seen in years and realizing they still love you, and still aren't judging you!

Trying Indian food for the first time and realizing I love it!

Being selected to participate in a workshop at work and discovering that it will address all the questions I have had about where I should go with  my career, leadership or education and give me a peak at what I would be doing if I chose leadership!

Being called to a postition at church where not only do I get to work with young adults, but I get to work with my husband too!

Singing "Worthy is the Lamb" with the Easter choir, makes me feel like I am singing with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

What was I thinking: Guilty

What was I thinking: Guilty: "Guilty, why is it so easy to feel guilty? I am not a slacker, I know that, and people that work with me know that. Yet, somewher..."

Guilty

Guilty, why is it so easy to feel guilty?  I am not a slacker, I know that, and people that work with me know that.  Yet, somewhere inside me I must have doubts, because everytime I find myself not doing something I feel guilty.  Never mind that I seem to have scheduled every other moment of the day.  Maybe I just like feeling guilty?  No, I hate it.

  I think part of it is the good, better, best thing.  I want to always be using my time for the best things, yet too often I stop at the good, or include time wasters, like watching TV.  Yet, if I want to be the best I can, shouldn't I consistently be choosing the best thing to do?  Yea, that's where the guilt comes in.   

For example, today I planned to practice with the Easter choir, however, I stayed up til midnight last night writing a paper for school, a good thing, (3 papers, 3 weeks in a row, really?) so when the time came to get out of bed this morning I rationalized that I needed my sleep, because we are heading out on a trip to California tonight, and I don't want to be overtired.  I tend to get a little, shall I say not as fun to be around, when I am overtired, so I stayed in bed, bring on the guilt.  Now I need to run, I  want to run outside in nice weather, but that doesn't seem to be an option for me today. My brain is trying to find reasons for me to cut my run today, it is supposed to be a little longer 5 mile run as I officially start my training plan for the half marathon this week. I read a friends blog where she said she had been out for her 17 mile run today.  Gosh, I haven't even made my 5 miles and I am looking for reasons not to...more guilt. This process repeats for just about everything in my life.  

I can run like crazy at work and feel good when I leave, but on the way home, as I evaluate myself, I always find things I could have done better, so instead of feeling good for what I did accomplish, I feel bad about what I didn't accomplish.

I can make healthy eating choices all day long, but then succumb to a binge at the end of the day, do I feel good about all day or focus on the binge and feel guilty?  Guilty of course.

I can read my scriptures regularly, but then I talk to someone about what it means to really study scripture and I stop feeling good about what I did, and start feeling bad about no being able to do it better.  Guilt

I can work hard to try and show everyone in my family I love them, but then I mess up and in a moment of frustration or a stupid oversight i offend one of them and they doubt how I feel.  Guilt

Seriously, it's pretty obvious that Satan knows that guilt is my weakness, it is the fastest way to tear me down and keep me from doing what I need to do.  Any good ideas, quotes ways to overcome this, because seriously, it is getting old.  I want to move past it.  First step....time for my run.

Procrastination at it's best

It is amazing how much I can accomplish while I am trying to avoid doing something.  I have a paper to write for school, and today is the day I set aside to do it.  Have I worked on it at all today?   Nope!  Instead I have gone to a meeting at work, washed and cleaned my car, done 2 loads of laundry and a load of dishes, gone shopping and oh yea, I ran 5 miles.  When I look at the list I am amazed, on any normal day I most likely wouldn't get all that done.  Yet here I sit, updating my blog because right now I would rather do just about anything but write.  It's not that writing is difficult for me, or that I don't know what to say, or even that it takes me that long, it is just incredibly boring to me.  I will be glad when I finish my education and I can stop writing papers!

 Guess it's time to buckle down and get busy, oh wait, Bob's home, I can go make dinner!

forgoing the good to make time for the better

This week has been crazy!  I hadn't seen Bob since Tuesday, and we are both home, just going off separate directions.   I worked so much that I didn't even know about the earthquake or Tsunami until someone told me about it at work today.  It was busy today so I didn't have a chance to watch any clips or think about it much so it wasn't real until  Ichecked my facebook and realized that there were a lot of missionaries in one area that had not been contacted yet. (something like 80 out of the 100 have not been contacted yet).    I just felt sick, that is way too close to home. I am really grateful that my boys came home safe and sound from their missions, I had an underlying fear that something catastrophic like the earthquake would happen to them.  I am grateful it never did, and my heart and prayers go out to the family of those that have to be struggling right now, I don't even want to imaging what they are going through.

  The newscasters were all talking about how people are afraid, yet facinated and drawn to the footage.  That's me, when I got home tonight I went straight to the computer to check the latest footage.  It just seems so unreal, even after watching the clips a few times it looks like a bad end of the world movie.  I can't comprehend a disaster on that level, no matter how many clips I see.

Bob and I went to the church cannery tonight and helped can tomato sauce, I couldn't help but wonder how much of it was going to end up in Japan, although I don't think that tomato sauce is something they use a lot in their diet.  I almost cancelled on the cannery tonight because I am so tired, feeling the stress of having a paper due tomorrow evening, and no time allotted to work on it before then.  I am so glad that we went to the cannery, I always have fun, and get to meet new people and I feel so good when I leave.  It also helps me remember what a great job nursing is, it beats working in a factory by miles and miles!

As for the paper, looks like my run and relief society just got bumped from my calendar tomorrow, dang!  The 2 funnest things, they are both good, but I really want to go to the temple tomorrow evening, and that is better, so they are what got bumped.  I need to learn to be more realistic and careful with my time management.  Maybe my paper will go really fast and I can catch the end of relief society, but that is not looking like a high possibility.  If anyone wants to run in the 10k tomorrow in Lacey just check in under my name,  its paid for, and I won't be using it.

My Prayers are dedicated to the people in Japan tonight and their loved ones, wherever they may be, I expect just about anyone that prays will be doing the same thing. 

Life is about change and overcoming adversity, the only way through it is Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and in our Heavenly Father.  I have faith that there is a plan that is much bigger than I can even comprehend and my life is but a small part of that grand scheme, I hope I can live my part well. 

I hate, hate, hate being sick

I hate being sick, I hate the runny nose, the cough the aches and everything else that comes along with it.  Unfortunately that is how I spent the the end of last week.  I always feel so guilty when I am sick, there are so many things I should be doing!    After all, the world won't go on without me, it couldn't possibly....ok, so it goes on just fine without me, but I would like to think I am missed.  I discovered a while back that I am  not a good patient, I get grouchy and whiney and I don't like it at all, so I am really glad I am feeling better, not well, but better. I am sure my husband is glad too:)

I haven't run in a week and I am supposed to run a 10K next weekend, I have decided that I need to do the 5K instead, I don't run that fast and I don't want to be the lone person still running when everyone else is done waiting for the results.  I am starting an official plan to help me prepare for the 1/2 marathon, so no more illnesses!  I bought some running shoes a while back and everytime I get over 5 miles it feels like I am running with a rock in my shoe, I already returned them once and it didn't change anything.  I have gone back to my old running shoes and I think I will bite the bullet and look elsewhere for a good pari of shoes, I don't want to attempt the half without awesome shoes.  If anyone has any ideas on good running shoes please let me know!

This week has to be better than last week, this week I will stick to my schedule and meet my goals!  I will think positively and look for the good in others. I will not let illness slow me down, let alone stop me.   I have scheduled myself pretty tightly from Thursday on, so it should be interesting.  It is a little stressful knowing all the stuff I need to do, but it feels so great when I havce accomplished it all.

The glass is always half full in my book (at least, sometimes it is overflowing) so I plan on having a great week, hope you do the same.

What was I thinking: What a week and it's only Thursday!

What was I thinking: What a week and it's only Thursday!: "I went back to work on Monday to discover this week is JAHCO week. For those of you that don't know what the means, JAHCO is the accre..."

What a week and it's only Thursday!

I went back to work on Monday to discover this week is JAHCO week.  For those of you that don't know what the means, JAHCO is the accrediting agency for hospitals, something we HAVE to have to operate.  Kind of extermely important.  It gets everyone a little stressed (or as someone put it in a heightened sense of awareness).  We heard they started Monday, but thankfully noone showed on our unit.  In an effort to be prepared for a visit the next day people were asked to work Tuesday instead of Wednesday.  Guess what happened?  Of course the big visit to us didn't happen til Wednesday, when our staffing was back to normal.  No extra staff around to help compensate for the nurses that would be pulled off the floor to talk with the entourage.  Not only that, but we had 12 discharges (13 if you count the one that left at change of shift) 1 admit, and 3 post-ops and oh by the way the Department of Health is going to be here too.  That equates to a little bit of craziness and I was in Charge that day.  I didn't have to be, but I just couldn't say no when Ronda asked me to work.  Before she asked me I passed by a couple of the other managers that said in a kind of joking way "go see Ronda, she has a question to ask you".  They knew I couldn't say no to her either.  I am happy to say all went well with both visits, as far as I know, JACHO is still around til Friday and could stop in again, but they should be on different units. 

Overall I feel like I dealt with the stress of the situation pretty well, some people were irritated, but hey, everyone reacts to stress in a different way.  How did I deal with it?  I was able to run the night before, evcen though I had to use the dreadmill it was worth it.  I always feel better after I run, no matter where I do it, and yet I have the hardest time making time for it.  I also had Bob give me a priesthood blessing that morning.  I know that made a difference because despite my anxiety the rest of the day, I became calm inside when it was my turn to speak to the people.  Can't remember what I said, but I was calm:) and my face didn't break out in to the Rosacea rash it usually does when I get stressed at any point in the day.  I am very grateful for that.  I like to look like I am always confident and in control of the situation I am in, and the rash is a dead give away that inside I am really not at all calm or confident at that time.

Today, I get to play catch up on my one day off (other than Sunday, but I don't want to do any of this stuff on Sunday). I started with a dental appointment to have a filling replaced, ended up being 2 fillings and took well over an hour, even with the nitrous I get anxious.  Why is it that a doctor or any other medical person can do just about any test or procedure, but the dentis freaks me out?  Maybe it's the sound of the drill?????  I also started a new semester of school this week, my last one for my BSN!  That means I have school work to do, and of course house cleaning and running and choir tonight and yea...all that to do and I am blogging.  Perhaps there is just a small amount of procrastination there?  I work better under stress, wouldn't want to waste any time (LOL, I end up wasting way too much time as it is). 

Oh well, time to get to it, I just want to thank every one that reads my blog, I decided last month to focus on being thankful, or more important letting people know I am thankful and I appreciate what they do, because apparently I am not too good at that.   I decided I need to continue that focus for another month.  So have a great day, and join me in being thankful, because it looks like it will be a great one.