AWKWARD AND AWESOME THURSDAY

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

AWESOME- going visiting teaching with a friend and getting to know a couple ladies in our ward better, thanks Dedra.
AWKWARD-the fact that I haven't done my own visiting teaching this month


AWESOME- my fudge turned out wonderfully this year, even the new peanut butter one
AWKWARD-my mints and other chocolate candies developed pock marks on them, like they had little air bubbles on them that all broke after a day or so.   I am so not giving those away., it looks like they have chocolate acne.  I really hope they didn't show up on the candies we gave away before I noticed it.


AWESOME-going back to work yesterday for a meeting and getting the opportunity to help with skills lab this year.  (I love to teach, usually)
AWKWARD-the panic attack I had to fight off when I got home because I realized I would be helping with skills lab this year

AWESOME-all the people that helped with my dad's service and the state patrol escort.  It was a beautiful day and I am sure there were people that helped that I wasn't even aware of. THANK YOU!
AWKWARD-the fact that I noted anything awesome related to my fathers death

AWESOME-Black Friday shopping....I love it, some people say it is stupid, but I just love the crowds and the excitement that comes from knowing I got a great deal.  It is also a mind numbing activity.
AWKWARD-realizing that most of the stuff I got on black friday was for myself, not others, I have to rethink my christmas gift plan.   Oh yeah,and being hit not once, but twice by an old man trying to back up so he could get in to a parking spot at the mall, I wasn't being rude or trying to take his spot, but there was a car behind me.  OK so I was being a little rude, I backed up some, and after the cars behind me all backed up I could have given him a few more inches, but I just thought what he was doing was so ridiculous and after he hit me the first time I thought he would take the hint that he didn't fit.  I got out of my car, rolled down his window and I said (calmly)  You hit me.... twice!.  He ignored me so I repeated myself, to which he replied..."it won't happen again" no sorry or anyting.  Next year I am taking a driver.  Any volunteers?

AWKWARD AND AWESOME THURSDAY...it is Thursday, right?

My days seem to be running together, with all the stuff going on with my dad.  (for those that don't know my dad has fought valiently, but is losing his battle with Pancreatic Cancer, kind of ironic that this is pancreatic cancer awareness month)   Thanks to other awkward and awesome posts I realized that is Awkward and Awesome Thursday. 

Awkward:  Trying to help my dad to the bathroom and bathing.  He absolutely does not want me to see him naked, which I totally understand.  But for goodness sakes, I have been a registered nurse for more than 15 years, believe me, I have seen plenty of naked bodies.  I told him I would close my eyes, but he wasn't buying that for a second.   Before he started having memory issues he understood this and was ok with me helping....no longer.  Thankfully Mark is here to help in that arena.

Awkward:  Dad wants to continue chemo, but it's killing him.  How do you help him understand it's time to stop without taking away any hope he has left or his will to do anything?  Thankfully the doc took care of that by telling him he wasn't strong enough and "we'll just take it one week at a time" but none for now.

Awesome:  The amount of help and support Dad and our family is receiving from those around us, both family and friends. 

Awesome:  Tender Mercies....I was feeling really down, wondering if Heavenly Father had forgotten me.  I returned a phone call from a sister that has been having struggles of her own.  She proceded to tell me  how much my visits meant to her, and how glad she was I was her visiting teacher again because I could understand some of what she is going through. She told me how much she appreciates me and all I do.  This was just exactly what I needed at that moment.  Confirmation that my Heavenly Father does know me, and cares for me, and he knew just exactly what I needed at that moment.  I have learned that Thank yous mean so much.  Even a small thank you can make someones day. 

Awesome:  The sunshine we  have been blessed with, always nice to have bonus sunny days in the fall. 

The difference between learning something and understanding it

There is a big difference between learning something and understanding it.  As a nurse I have learned the 5 stages of death and dying (Elizabeth Kubler Ross).  They are denial, anger, bargaining, grief and acceptance.  People go through them at different rates and sometimes in a different order.  Some stages take longer than others for people, and sometimes people will get stuck in a stage like anger or denial, but from what I have seen everyone goes through them. 

This is a concept I have worked with for many years, because I learned about it and I had seen it in other people.  As a daughter I now understand it.  I could read all about it, and see it in others, but until I experienced it I didn't really understand how it felt. Now that I have felt it I believe it will enable me to be much more compassionate with those that find themselves dealing with it.  Eveyone is different, so I would never say I understand exactly how someone feels, but I do know some of what they are feeling. 

A lot of things in life are like that, we are taught by our parents and teachers a lot of things. We learn about kindess and charity, about praying and reading the scriptures, about keeping the commandments.  But until we practice them, really experience them, we don't understand them.  A brief trial of them isn't going to bring the understanding that living and experiencing them will.

I believe we were sent to this earth to have experiences and learn and grow, some of the experiences are more painful than others, but all of them beneficial in some way, if we look for what we are supposed to learn from it.  Quite often what we learn is how to help someone else deal with the same thing at some point in the future, or to help us know how to help and what to do, or when there is nothing you can do but be there and listen. 

I am very grateful that I have had people willing to sit by and listen during the past couple months.  Not one of them said...."This again, really, haven't you dealt with this yet?  because I am getting tired of hearing it"  They all just patiently listened.  Listening is a highly underated skill.  I think it should have been one of the commandments  "Thou shalt listen to each other"  because when we listen to others we learn how to live the other commandments, how to love one another, and strengthen each other.  We learn what others need and how we can help.  Listening can be very empowering if you are good at it. 

So I would like to say Thank you, to all that  are good listeners, you make things easier.   

AWKWARD AND AWESOME THURSDAY

This week I am starting with awkward...

Thanks to the new medicare laws, any time a patient comes in with any kind of skin breakdown or wound the admitting nurse has to take a picture of it for the chart.  To prove that we didn't cause the wound.  This week a very old man came in with a breakdown on his buttocks, inner thighs and very red and swollen scotum.  So I had  to take a picture of the skin issues, including  his genitals for the chart and it's not just a picture, I have to stick a measuring tape and a piece of paper with his name on next to it too.  Talk about awkward! No, I was not measuring the size of his genitals!  I did my best to be professional about it.  When the printed picture came back the supervisor discretely handed me the picture for the chart.  Now generally we post these things right in the front of the chart, I started to do that, but I just couldn't, I ended up burying it way in the back somewhere......Nurses have to do some crazy awkward things and act like they are routine every day things.  It is a weird thing, the profession of nursing sometimes.

That's enough awkward

I always try to come up with at least twice as much awesome as awkward, some weeks it's tougher than others:)

Today's awesome was that my sister gave me a whole bunch of apples off her tree and I was able to spend 14 hours making applesauce (I did take a time out to run in the middle of it, but thanks to a sore ankle it turned in to a walk).  I now have 4 cases of applesauce.  It always feels awesome to be able to look at canned goods and know that you did that.  Being as making applesauce doesn't take a lot of thinking and it is something I almost never do,  it was a real change of pace, si it gave me a good mental break. 

The biggest awesome is having a husband that is so supportive.  After a rough day he was willing to go to the store and get me the stuff for nachos and rootbeer floats for dinner and not say one critical or judgemental word..  I have decided that while 2 plates of nachos and 3 rootbeer floats over the course of the evening tasted awesome, they were not what made me feel better.  It was the thoughtfulness, love and kindess of my husband that did that.  Sometimes just being there is all it takes.  Of course the extra housework he did this week helped also:) 

I like awesome and awkward Thursday, it reminds me to recognize the humor in the awkward in my life, and watch for and focus on those awesome moments. 

What about you? Have you started your awkward and awesome thursday blogs?

waiting...waiting...waiting...for bad news

Today was a day of waiting.  Waiting for labs, doctors, tests, radiologists and then the doctor again.  Although it turns out I really didn't want to hear what they had to say. 

Being on the other side of the "waiting game"  has sure taught me a lot about nursing and what my patients and their families want and need from me and the place I work.  Like a more comfortable chair to sit in and good food available at the time when I can go get it! 

I am in kind of a weird place, it's like I am in this bad dream that I am waiting and working to get through, but I know what the end is, and I don't want to reach it, so I keep waiting. 

Having the chance to spend with my dad is priceless and I am very glad that I am living where I can be close and I have a job that is allowing me to be there as much as I need to. I am blessed with the experience of being a nurse that helps me explain all the tests and labs and medications decisions etc that seem to be coming at my dad so quickly.  My dad worries he's a burden, and in a sense he is, but, that's one burden I don't really want to let go of, so he just needs to deal with the fact that yes it may be inconvenient at times, or painful and difficult, but at this moment in time I wouldn't want to be or do anything different.  I love my dad and I want as much time as I can get, making up for a little lost time  here, but i don't want him to suffer any more than he has to. 

Sometimes I just have to cry and get it out of my system, that's just the way I am, then I can move forward and do what needs to be done.  I have a lot of great people supporting me, as do my dad and connie.  I am very thankful for that.

I heard a new Martina Mcbride song today where she says "I'm gonna love you through it"  and that is exactly what I plan on doing.  Gotta find that CD. 

PS  I have no magic ball that says how much longer my dad will live, I am a nurse, and I can see he is not doing so well, but I am not God, and only God knows when he plans on bringing him home, so please quit asking me, it's stressing me out. 

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

Lets' start with the awkward (I hate to end on a down note, so always the awkward first and awesome last)

Today I met with my nieces teacher, counselor and principle to help set up a plan for her to succede.  She is having trouble in the teachers class and while I am open to give and take to work on a solution the teacher had only one thing in mind.  I am right, you are wrong, if you child isn't successful in this class it's on you she must not be doing her homework.  I know for a fact alyssa works hard on her homework, so  I wanted to ring her neck, but we set up a plan and I went home to help work it.  After an hour to do 6 math questions (no ADHD meds today)  we turned to the makeup work the teacher referred to that was supposed to be just so simply, she can't understand why noone would not do it.  Here is why....first you have to figure out why you missed the question, which is kind of hard because you don't know the right answers.....so we figured something out, but not sure if it is all right and we were to write all of that down.   Second you need to do the worksheet, teacher made it sound simple, I was going to help alyssa catch up tonight.  I was dumbfounded when I looked at the paper.  There are over 100 questions!  do the math people , who has time to do that?  I also noted that the thing alyssa had trouble with on the test were not really addressed in the homework it was stupid details like not rounding to the correct number of decimal points, now I am stuck.  Anything I say to the teacher is going to be awkward again, but I need to say something, gonna sleep on that one.

Food poisoning and a lap band, ,not a good combination, definately awkward and uncomfortable.

Awesome:

Getting to see my sister and my niece and picking a huge basket of granny smith apples from her tree to make for applesauce in a few days.  Probably not the best way to pick apples, but we resorted to shaking the tree, we figured any that fell were ripe.  May have some bruises, but we didn't have to climb up ladders to get to the top, and it was quite fun.

I was able to run 3 times this week, yeah!  getting back on track

I got everything done today that I planned to, I am up a little late, but the satisfaction of knowing I did what I set out to do this morning is awesome!

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

It's time for another installment of awkward and awesome Thursday!

Gonna start with awkward and work my way to awesome.

I was in a meeting with a bunch of people from work today for a "Look at Leadership".  During one of the sessions I was trying to make a joke, but in doing so I inadvertently revealed that I didn't know what I was talking about.    I had misunderstood some initials.  I would have just laughed it off, but the presenter said something like "you helped us learn, even without meaning to" and elaborated on my mistake so everyone could learn from it.  I don't know about you, but having my mistake not just pointed out,  but elaborated on to be sure everyone in the group understood the mistake I had made was a bit awkward.

I think that moment was plenty of awkwardness for my week. 

Awesome!

The new Scentsy thing that my sister got me, my house smells awesome!

Dinner with family at my dad's house, and the fact that both he and my sister were feeling well enough to be there-Awesome!

The aforementioned Look at Leadership meeting.  I learned some skills to use for crucial conversations and I was able to network with a lot of other great nurses. Today was the second half of the 2 day program.  The first day kind of had me doubting whether or not I even wanted to be a leader.  After today I felt encouraged, it provided tremendous boost in my confidence in myself and my abilty to lead.  I will also be able to take additional classes in leadership and be matched up with a mentor.  I am really excited!  Also Awesome!

Most awesome of all....knowing that I don't have to get up for anything tomorrow so I can sleep in as long as I want!   Oh, and I almost forgot, tomorrow is payday, that makes it even more awesome!

Back from Vacation!

Back from vacation and so much happened I am not sure where to start. 

Conference:  So awesome to be with so many people that believe the same way I do, I love hearing the prophet and the other leaders speak, it is uplifing and encouraging.   Its a little confusing to me how I can spend 2 days listening to people talk about Jesus Christ, and how to be more like him and the blessings that come through his atonement and through believing in him and then hearing on the radio later that others don't consider Mormon's christians.   Makes me wonder what their definition of a christian is?

I got to visit with 4 of my kids and with my grandsons, always a good thing, no matter what!

I was able to read stories to my grandkids before bedtime, including stories from the Doctrine and Covenants Childrens edition.  Kudos to Greg and Tyla for doing that for their kids, wish I had done more of that with our kids when they were young.  We were also able to play card games and have some good talks with them.  In case you haven't heard, our family LOVES to play games together.  We also had  the chance to go up the canyon and take some pictures with the beautiful folliage, I am going to attach some of the pictures.  You will note that there are a lot of rocks in the area.  In my typical graceful manner I managed to fall a couple times and  bring home some bruises as a reminder of my vacation, but the pictures were worth it.

Bob and I were also able to take a Razor ride with Kellie and Mark over the mountain to Hoover's restaurant (that's Hoover's with an R, not a T).  It was so beautiful on the way over, and so exciting on the way back.  Bob has decided we definately need to get a razor, although it is not currently a financial priority:)  We were also able to play more games at Kellie and Marks, which is always fun, love their new  house, wish we had gotten some pictures inside!  Kellie and Mark are doing a great job getting it set up and decorated.

Since it was a road trip Bob and I had a lot of good quality hours together to talk and relax, I read a couple books, I also got a sore on my left elbow from leaning on the arm rest for so many hours!  I need to get myself elbow protection before I do that again!

Weather was crazy, 80 degrees in Provo on the way down, had to stop and get some capri's and t-shirts  because I thought it would be colder there so I took all long pants and long sleeve shirts.  Turns out I was prepared though, because it was snowing on our return trip less than a week later.

I wasn't able to run during my vacation, but I did do some walking, I checked with my doc yesterday because I have still been having lung pain on the right when I run, turns out it isn't lung pain, it is chostochondritis, an inflammation of where my sternum meets my ribs, hopefully a little rest and meds will get that solved and I can get back to running in the nice and raining Washington weather in just a few days. 

Speaking of running, my friend Amy had some struggles with the marathon, but she finished it, Yeah Amy!   I have included a link to her blog, it is awesome, she has a picture on the front of it today that I found very accurate for myself.  or you can go directly to http://amyrnelson.blogspot.com/2011/10/maybe-little-ocd.html

Last but not least my dad did just fine without me, looks like I need to be here more than he needs me here:)   Dr Kang did call me and update me, he is an awesome doctor and Connie does a great job caring for him. 

All and all a pretty great vacation, I am going to go and try and figure out how to use the cricket I got for my birthday to make my first sign.  I already know what it will be....

Families are forever...no matter what!

VACATION

Who doesn't love vacation?  This year I get to go visit my kids and grandkids and catch a couple sessions of conference live (if you are curious what that is see mormon.org).  I am excited.  I spent the last couple weeks working as many hours as I could get so I would have a little extra spending money.  Thankfully I was blessed with a lot of overtime and consecutive weekends, both of which have been very scarse with the crackdown on overtime lately. 

Did I mention this is a road trip?  I get to spend a couple days in the car with my husband on the way down and on the way back.  Right now I am excited, my guess is that when I come back I will be much less excited with a very sore bum.  This is the first really long road trip we have taken in a very long time, that is probably why I am looking forward to it, I have forgotten what they feel like. 

I am a little nervous about leaving my dad, It's not like he doesn't have his wife to keep an eye on him, but it is going to be tough missing his doctors appointment, I hate getting information second hand, but thanks to cellphones hopefully his doctor will give me a call and I won't have to.  Having the cell also puts my mind at ease knowing that he or his wife can call me anytime if they have questions.  I am praying  for good pain control and no complications or issues while I am gone. 

For any of you criminals out there I have people watching my dog and house for me, so don't even think of trying to steal our old junk! (although that would mean I could get new stuff that wasn't junk...)

Last, a shout out to my friend Amy that is running the St George Marathon this weekend, I am very sure she will meet her goal of qualifying for the Boston Marathon.  It makes me feel just a little guilty about not running lately, I have had a rough time getting back in to it since my pneumonia, I still get pain in my right lung when I run (which is supposedly healed)  so I am taking it easy.  I need to find a 5K on a Saturday to give me motivation because I am not one of those people that run because they love it so much (like Amy), I run because it keeps me in better shape and I like running in the races and lets face it, I like calling myself a runner.  Guess I should probably actually get a little running in while I am on vacation so I don't have to give up that label:)

I have a confession to make

I have a confession to make.  I just can't live a lie....   September 17th was a day of service at church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints).  Brown paper bags were passed out to all the members, we were to pass them out to our neighbors.  Each bag had a letter on it explaining that we were doing a drive for the Thurston County food bank.  The letter asked that people fill the bags with food and leave them on their porch on the 17th and we will pick them up.  Those bags sat on our table screaming to be delivered for 2 weeks, yet for some reason we couldn't get them passed out.  Doesn't seem like a big deal handing someone a bag and asking if they could help the needy in our area, but for some reason I just couldn't do it, either I was too tired, busy, or caught up in other areas of my life. 

Here comes the dishonest part.   Friday night, when I realized the bags hadn't been delivered, rather than bug my neighbors, I filled them with food from our cupboards. Saturday morning I delivered the bags to the church, leading people to believe I had done my part and collected food from my neighbors.  It's not exactly a BAD thing, because the people did get the food, but how much more would they have gotten if I had delivered the bags AND donated the food I did?  In the Good, better best scenaria I would say my actions were marginally good at best, but at least I did it. 

Part of repenting is confessing your sins, so that's what I am doing.  Next year I plan on doing better. 

The bright side of this is that it was pouring down rain on saturday and I got soaked just taking the bags to the car and then in to the church, so had I actually passed the bags out picking up the wet bags might have been a miserable experience.  I also ended up getting called in to work, so I was really in a hurry and having the bags already filled on my kitchen floor expideted the whole process.    I guess everything happens for a reason.  I promise, next year I will do better!

PS.  if you would like more information on the church go to Mormon.org and check it out!  My profile is http://mormon.org/me/3QD5?

Awesome and awkward Thursday

Awkward and awesome Thursday

Start with awesome....
48th birthday this week and my husband sent me beautiful roses made from what I thought was white chocolate with red velvet cake pops dipped in white chocolate.    What better birthday gift than chocolate?

after spending a long day at the hospital with a relative I came home and found my house spotless, thanks to my wonderful husband.  This was no small feat since I was canning blackberry jam the night before and in my effort to get out most of the weeds I got berry juice on just about every dish I owned and every spot of the kitchen.  

Homemade blackberry jam,   awesome, had to buy new jars and a canner (for the second batch), but it was worth it.  Even if it doesn't taste as awesome as I might like it to, just seeing those jars sitting on the kitchen counter gives me a real sense of satisfaction.  I left them there extra long, just to admire my work:)   Hopefully there will be one more batch, only not getting out all the seeds this time, too much work and mess.  Doing little stuff like that helps satisfy the part inside me that keeps nagging at me, telling me I need to be more of a Molly Mormon.  Like canning my own jam is going to get me into the Celestial Kingdom...NOT!

Kind of awkward...
Construction/working on the water system in my front yard starting bright and early at 0800.  Did you konw they start with a drill that looks and sounds a Goliath sized dentist drill?   I hate dentists.

Awkward....
Anyone that knows me knows how much I hate spiders!    I shutter just thinking about them.  I currently have a massively huge garden spider outside my window, which keeps distracting me and making me shutter.  They like the blackberries, I think I will be letting Bob pick the rest of them.....  I tried to get a picture to add to this post, but apparently all of our cameras have dead batteries and my phone has something wrong with the lense making it all blurry.  I sent the blurry picture to my facebook if you want to check it out.  I decided I didn't want a big old spider picture on my blog anyway.

Really awkward!!!!
Realizing that the nurse taking care of my family member had worked agency with me before and I am pretty sure someone had asked that she not return to our unit because she worked so slowly.    Not sure if she recognized me or remembered because she never mentioned it, but she gave my dad great care, so it all turned out ok.   

CAUTION! EXLODING CHEESEBURGER!

I know it's a lot in one day, posting 2 blog entries, but I had to share, figured someone else could use a good laugh at my husbands expense also....

I am not the best cook in the world, but not the worst either.  After watching an hour of Rachel Ray I decided I needed to put on my Molly Mormon apron today and try something special for dinner tonight.  My husband reminded me of the burgers I made once before that he referred to as Julie’s Juicy burgers (a name I am sure he stole from some show on the food network). 

Julie’s juicy burgers are not hard, the recipe isn’t that original either, you just smash out the hamburger patties really thin, put some very good cheddar cheese, Ortega green chilies, salt, pepper and garlic salt on the bottom patty,  seal it with a second patty on the top then barbecue.  Top with caramelized grilled onions and your other favorite hamburger toppings and voilla….an awesome, juicy cheeseburger.

We tried something different tonight; we fried them instead of barbecuing them.  Not a good idea…Actually,  I am not sure if it was that, or if I sealed them too well, but there was an issue tonight.  I took a small bite of my burger and there was a small explosion of hot juices on my cheek, nothing serious, but I warned Bob to be careful.  To his credit, he did let his burger sit a few minutes, but obviously not long enough.  I was concentrating on enjoying my burger and I heard him yell, I looked up and he had hamburger juice all over his glasses and his nose.  Apparently he had taken a very big bite of his hamburger and the scalding juice from the burger had exploded and shot directly up his nose.  I wasn’t much help, you would think as a nurse I would jump in to action to alleviate his pain, instead I sat there and laughed at him until tears were pouring down my face.   Thankfully there were no serious burns, but every time I looked at him the rest of the meal I started laughing again.  It’s a miracle I didn’t choke on my own food.  I haven’t laughed so hard forever.  OK, I’ll have to admit that when I signed a recent E-mail Boob and Julie instead of Bob and Julie on accident I had a pretty good laugh.  Good thing my husband doesn’t mind me laughing at his expense. 

We decided that if I wanted to open a restaurant and serve these burgers I would need to post a warning that said “Caution!  Exploding Cheeseburgers!”  

Disclaimer:   the writer of this blog is not responsible for any burns incurred when others attempt this recipe

Random thoughts

Lots of time for random thoughts this week as I sat at the hospital with my dad.  

Like when I checked my blog stats it says people have located my blog through an acidreflux site, a masters degree online site and sicknessense.com....huh?   how does that happen?

You know you are up late when regular programings stops on TV and the evangelical shows start.  I generally find myself fascinated by these things, trying to see how they compare to what I believe as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints.  The one I caught this week was on thinking positive and having faith and trusting in Jesus, that fits well.  Would have stayed up to catch more if it wasn't already 2am.....then again, at 2am I am generally so tired I could bend anything to fit with what I believe. 

I discovered I can download books free from amazon.com and watch them on the free kindle app on my droid phone....SCORE!!!   now to find books worth reading.  I already have the scriptures on my phone, but I am not quite good enough to just sit and read scriptures for hours on end, maybe someday.

My son introduced me to the Lumosity.com website, full of games designed to improve brainpower, and who doesn't want more brainpower? hmmm maybe he was trying to tell me something??? oh well,  also fun and addicting enough for me to spring for the 14.99 one month membership.  I don't know if it will really improve my brainpower but it is kind of fun to try and work through a maze using your direction buttons while the maze is spinning.  Haven't quite mastered that one yet, who am I kidding, not even close!  I am however good at locating birds and remembering the letter shown at the same time, I think that one comes from being a mom, your peripheral vision gets really good.

It's good for me to find another obsession, I have almost caught up on all of the old NCIS episodes, I could tell myself I watched it because I always wanted to be a navy detective so I find it fascinating, but that would be a lie, it's Mark Harmon and the other actors I find fascinating, they actually manage to incorporate the idea that family comes above all else into a crime solving show.   Playing lumonisity games in my spare time will give the illusion that I am working on something that will make me better, instead of just sitting in front of the TV. 

Football started, feels like fall.  I discovered I really like watching football, but I really don't like people sitting around for hours talking about other people playing football.....

Oh well, that covers a very small portion of the random thoughts I had this week, I could probably write a novel the size of war and peace if I tried to write them all down, and it would be just about as boring!

Since dads home now it's time to get back on track and start doing stuff again, instead of just thinking about or reading about doing stuff!

PS.  some of the Joel Osteen religious show must have rubbed off because I made sure my prayers were totally positive this morning so I would be starting out on the right foot this morning.  

Last bit of Summer

Bob and I decided to squeeze a little more out of this summer by taking a quick camping trip up to Sol duc Falls in t he Olympic National Forrest.  If you haven't been there you really need to check it out.  It is absolutely beautiful.  Pictures don't do it justice, especially the ones Bob and I take.  I am sure you can tell the falls are gorgeous by the wonderful picture of Bob and I we had taken by a random passerby.  LOL  Nice guy, but cameras obviously were not his thing,  I think he was actually dropping the camera when he took this one.  Thankfully not into the water:)  It was a 6 mile round trip to the falls from where we were at, and worth every step. 

My feet were getting a little sore on the way back so we left the trail and crawled down by the river so I could put my feet in the water.  That's glacier water, so I could only keep them in there a few seconds, but it was awesome, and moving incredibly fast.

Not sure what it is with my feet....but I thought the picture of them by the fire I took by accident was kind of cool too, obviously I am not much more talented with the camera than the passerby I mentioned earlier.  They pyromaniac comes out in me when I go camping, love to start those fires and now that there are no kids around I can mess with them all I want.  I made a really huge one to do foil dinners one night (my favorite camp food, would never do them at home, but for some reason they taste awesome when camping).  The fire was so big it  actually made Bob nervous, but a few of the people passing by commented on what a great fire it was ( mostly because it was so big they could see it from the road) and for some strange reason that made me happy.  Like fire building is a major talent or gift, something to be proud of?    Don't worry, I made sure my fire was totally out before I went to bed.   I have visions of smokey the bear in my head saying "remember, only you can prevent forest fires". 

By the way, those running shoes didn't get much running in this week, only the  hike, which my sore toes are telling me they aren't really made for.  Gotta hit that next week,  I had high hopes and I had my running schedule for last week all planned out, but I wasn't feeling too good over the weekend so they got scratched.  There's always next week, right? 

Time to go to bed, I work 3 12 hour shifts in the next 4 days, back to reality!  Thankfully my trip has left me well rested and ready to take on the world and whatever it has to offer me, bring it on!

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

First the Awesome...

My dad's CT showed "marked improvement"  which means the chemo is working!  Next check is 2 months.  With the recently approved treatment maybe end stage pancreatic cancer might be fightable after all, at the very least we have gained time, and hope, and those are great things!

2 Superdays this week!   Ever have those days when you feel everything went right and you did everything you should have and possibly could have done?  I had a couple of those amazing days this week, and it feels good (of course they are generally followed by a couple days watching NCIS marathons and accomplishing nothing, but hey, the days are great when they happen!)  Perhpas there are some of you that are able to have superdays everyday, but I usually am very unrealistic in my scheduling and I schedule much more for myself than is humanly possible to do, every once in a while I surprise myself and get it all done.

The weather!!! not sure where it came from, but it looks like summer is finally here!

I missed last weeks awkward and awesome so I have to add that the garden party I planned turned out great, people actually came.  A big thanks to those that help, couldn't have done it alone!

Awkward
This is a recurring awkward.  Getting used to working in daysurgery and pacu.....still don't feel comfortable, I question simple decisions that really should be no brainers because I lack confidence in those areas.  I need to get over that, cause it really is awkward.

Giving away a bunch of blackberry jam then discovering that the top part of the jar where the seeds floated to is nastier than I thought, scoop that out and it's good, but it is awkward to think about what people thought when they opened the jars:)  It truly is good at the bottom of the jar.

Doing sealings at the temple with a couple that is obviously unhappy with each other, or unhappy to be there, or both,  or maybe just plain unhappy, whatever the reason, it was written all over their face and in their attitudes. 

Gonna finish with an awesome shout out to my husband for takin me to the Portland Temple last week and following it up with a visit to Joe's crab shack, never been there because I don't like seafood, but it was good food, and the patio we sat on was nice and warm with a beautiful view.  This week he is taking me up to Solduc to go camping, gotta love summer!

Hope everyone can have a super awesome day this week like the ones I did this week!

NO WOGGING ALLOWED!!! (whining+blogging=whogging)

I decided early on that I was not going to be a whogger, I saw the term on a friends blog (thanks Amy) and I decided that I liked it.  Noone likes to listen to someone whine!  Yea, life gets tough get over it!  so this is me getting over it:)

In June I ran 13.1 miles, thanks to my bout with pneumonia and a busy schedule today I struggled to run 2.5miles.  I was whining about this, but NO MORE!   I can't change what happened, and I it wouldn't be wise to push myself to run 13.1 miles right now.  What I can do is learn from the experience and move forward,  I don't need to understand why things like this happen, much worse things happen to other people all the time, through no fault of their own. 

Running is really mental for me, my legs and lungs can complain all they want, but I only stop running when my mind says it's ok.  When I started running my brain had to override a lot of complaining, but I had gotten to the point where I was just able to block all that out.  Now I am hearing the complaining again and I have to work to block it out again. 

That's like other parts of my life...when I start doing things that I know are good for me, be they at work or at church or at home, they can be difficult, and there can be a lot of resistance from within, or from other people.  Once I have been doing them for a while they become easier, and I become able to withstand the resistance.  Every so often something comes along that trips me up and sets me back to where things seem difficult again.  At that point I have 2 choices, I can stay down, where I fell when I tripped, or I can start over, or start from where I am and keep going.  I choose to keep going because I believe that's the only way things can get better, for me and for others. 

What do you choose?

What makes me me?

I have been thinking a lot lately about what makes me me.  I know the standard church stuff, I am an eternal being and I lived before I came to earth and I will live after and I am a child of God, but what makes me act the way I do and make the choices I do?

I believe that what I have learned through church and school and experiences plays a big part in the way I act and the things I do, I believe I have an eternal spirit, but how much of who I am can I really change?

I know that through God all things are possible, but are they all possible for me?  Is it possible for me to stay calm and not get overwhelmed when I have a million things coming at me?  I have learned tools to help, but I don't seem to be able to remember them in the heat of the moment.  Other people can, they stay totally calm in any situation, not me.  I get hyper, I know because my coworkers tease me about it, some of them laugh,  I can tell others get really irritated by it, it doesn't mean I don't solve problems and deal with things appropriately because I do.  It does mean that I sometimes irritate or offend people in the process, neither of which is a very desirable outcome when in a stressful situation and wtih people I have to deal with all the time.  So I apologize...a lot.

My question is can I change that, and if I can, should I , or is it part of what makes me me and if I change it I won't be me any more?  Would I be better off to just accept that I get hyper, that's just me, and figure out ways to use that to my advantage or should I keep working hard to change myself?  Maybe I should keep working hard to change myself, but my efforts would be more effective in another area, like developing more patience or being more positive, maybe I could actually make progress in those areas?   

I don't know, a lot of this probably doesn't even make sense when you try to read it.  One would think that by the age of 47 I would have these things all figured out, apparently not because right now I pretty much just have a lot of questions.   Anyone have a good answer for me?

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

My awkward and awesome today is a good illustration of it's all how you look at a situation.  When I look at it through a negative filter it seems awkward, when I change to the positive filter the same experiences are awesome!  Good reminder for me to keep that positive filter in place.

Awkward

Enjoying a nice conversation with my boss then walking out and realizing one of the other people from management was standing outside the door waiting, and I am sure listening.  Thankfully I wasn't saying anything negative, but awkward nonetheless.

Orienting to a new area, even things I know how to do seem unfamiliar and I question and second guess every decision I make.  The old "see one, do one" theory is a little scary sometimes.  Of course she was there to back me up, but still awkward.

Trying to get used to monovision contacts (right side for far away and left for up close).  My depth perception is off a little, and I feel like I have something in my left eye...oh wait...I do, it's a contact lense.  My brain feels like it is fighting to try and determine which image it is going to accept, the right one or the left one.

Awesome

Having a boss that will sit and talk with you, even though there is another manager lurking outside the door waiting for her.

Having nice and supportive people orienting me to the new unit, it helps me stop second guessing myself and looking at what I did wrong, and helps me see what I did right, which allows me to enjoy what I am doing. 

Realizing that I have contact lenses in my drawer that I tried to start wearing a while back while I was in school, but stopped because I war reading too much and there was not enough time for me to adjust to them.  Now that I am not in school I can wear my contact lenses!  For me that is awesome.  Like finding money in the couch.

Sunshine today, always, always, awesome no matter what filter I am looking through.  Today that positive filter will be on behind my sunglasses:)

New experiences and change

This is going to be a week of new experiences.  Tomorrow I start orienting in PACU1, (aka the recovery room).  I have every confidence that I can do the job, I am just very scared I will find it is even more stressful to work in PACU1 than it is to work on the floor right now.  With all the cuts and changes going on I want to learn as much as possible so I can work in as many areas as possible, this leaves me with more opportunities if for some reason my position was one of the ones eliminated, not likely, but it would be stupid of me not to even prepare for the possibility and instead run around like chicken little yelling the sky is falling. 

 I have been enjoying my time on the floor, it's odd, while everyone else is running around saying the sky is falling because of the changes in the matrix I feel totally at ease with it.  I have worked under those circumstances before and it is more difficult, but every bit as doable.  But it does involve a shift in priorities.  The luxury of simply visiting with your patients and their family doesn't happen nearly as much.  I guess the reason I am not stressing about it is that I know that it is not something I can change, no matter how much I object, fight or disagree with.  yes it's not as safe, there will be more falls and patient satisfaction scores will most likely go down, but I am one person and all I can do is the best I can in the circumstance I find myself in.  I am very sure the powers that be have considered the ramifications of their actions, they are smart people, and if this is what has to happen, it has to happen, despite the consequences.  This IS what nursing is in 2011.  Those that can't keep up are going to have to get out and make way for those that are willing to dig in and do the job.  Our efforts would be more effective if we focused them on finding things we CAN do to make this work, be part of the solution not the problem.  My husband teases me that I can be a little bit of a control freak at times, I have determined that the only thing truly in my control at work these days is my attitude, and I want to keep it as positive as possible, even if it drives others nuts. 

Some people look at my behaviour as brown nosing, or being a pollyanna, but that's not my intent at all.  My intent is to help make my workplace as happy as possible for all concerned so we all enjoy being there and we can work together as a team.  Is that realistic? 

OH YEAH!  another new experience, I made indian food for the first time this week, ever, I hadn't even tasted it until about 6 months ago.  it turned out awesome, if anyone wants a recipe for chicken curry just let me know!  If I smell funny this week it is because of the curry oozing out of my pores, I hear it sticks around for a while. 

Thanks Chief Knight and my funky run

I went to a picnic this afternoon that was thrown to thank the people in Mason county districk 5 for supporting their firechief of 55 years.  I don't live in Mason County district 5, but I think it is fair to say that Chief Knight deserves their thanks.  He spent the last 55 years as their fire chief.  Like him or not, his devotion to Mason County is unquestionable.  He was the longest serving fire chief in the state of Washington.  He started in his early 20's and he was one of the first fire chiefs to fully integrate women into their workforce.  Think about it, very few people spend 55 years doing anything anymore, heck, most marriages don't even last that long.  Even though I don't live in that area I have family members that do, so for that I say THANKS!!!!

I went for a run later, I just didn't have any energy and I was sore, but I finished my run anyway, because that's what runners do, they run, no matter what, and I am a runner.  My pace may be a job for others, but for me it's a run.  Since I was so tired I was looking for ways to distract myself, Elton Johns Crocodille rock came on my I-pod, I usually skip that song, it's not really the right pace, but today it made me want to dance and heck, I need to give my arms a workout, so I cranked it up and tried to dance while I was running. People passing me must have thought I had some abnomral spastic muscle disease, because I am not nearly as coordinated as I would like to think I am.  In my head the arm movements and shadow boxing to a later song looked so cool  I was trying to channel rocky at that point.  I am sure that anyone passing me on the trail thought otherwise.  My arms were flailing randomly as I tried to keep up with the beat and do cool things with  my arms, since noone else could hear the music they were keeping their distance from me when they past, and most likely holding their kids a little closer.  My bizzare dance movements did serve their  pupose, because it distracted me and  I was able to bump up to my 3 mile distance again.

 I am excited that summer has finally arrived and I can run outside and extra thankful that I am feeling healthy again.  Good health is one of those things so many take for granted until they loose it for a while, which everyone needs to do once in a while, so they appreciate it and remember to be thankful for it.

During the barbecue today the song, lean on me came on, and it made me cry, it always does because it reminds me how many wonderful and awesome people I have been blessed with in my life that I can lean on, and that lean on me.  Some days life just seems awesome, and even though nothing spectacular happened, I count today as one of them. 

PS.  Training in PACU 1 next week, should be an interesting week!

Awesome and Awkward Thursday

AWESOME
Being able to run 2 1/2 miles again after more than a month off for pneumonia without pain or feeling like I couldn't breath and it felt beyond awesome.  I was a little worried that I was going to have to switch back to just being a walker, but nope, I am definetely a runner, not a very fast one right now, but a runner nonetheless.

Finding out that the cancer markers in my dad's blood are continuing to drop, giving rise to hope that he will beat this previously and supposedly unbeatable cancer.

Playing who wants to be a millionaire online with Bob and actually getting the million, too bad it's not real money. 

I interacted with some awesome doctors this week, one of them being Dr Kang, my dads oncologist, he is quite possibly the most caring doctor I have ever met. and 2nd Dr Dierwechter at work, for respecting me enough to take a few minutes out of  her very busy schedule to double check one of her collegues patients and put my mind at ease.  I knew it was probably nothing, but needed to hear it, and she was willing to do that, to me that shows respect and that's awesome.

Going to a new convert baptism, the pure joy is fun to share and the spirit is incredible.  If you haven't been to one you should try it.  You can check out LDS.org or contact your local missionaries or leaders to find out when the next one is.  It's a really feel good type of thing.


AWKWARD

Lay offs at work, everyone is waiting for the other shoe to drop to see what is going to happen.  I have heard that in other areas of the nation hospitals are finding ways to target the most experienced nurses for layoffs because they can replace them with a new nurse that makes half as much.  With 16 years of experience that makes me nervous, but my boss assures me I am ok...as far as she knows.  Right now I am just grateful to have a job.  I will be grateful when we get through this time.  Everyone is walking around wondering who will stay and who will go.  Makes the stress level high. 

Running on the Chehalis Western trail and realizing by the funny looks on people faces that I was accidently singing out loud with my IPOD, and everyone knows how awful you sound when you can't  hear yourself sing.   Oh well, it gave a few people a good laugh. 

Super amazing day

Early last year I applied for a volunteer position with the ANCC as a content expert panel member (cep).  I was shocked today to find out that I got accepted.  What a huge honor and very humbling!  This is a national organization.  As I understand it I will be helping review some of the content for the certification exams.  I truly did not expect to receive this honor, but it made my day!!!!!   Of course there are strict confidentiality rules that say I can't say a word about what I actually do or the materials I review, but I think letting my friends know I was accepted is OK, so long as I never talk to anyone about it again:).  I also have to keep my position as a med-surg nurse for the duration of my term (3 or 4 years) and report any conflict of interest I might see, but right now that doesn't seem like a very hard thing to do.  I have been doing my happy dance all day long!!!!   (You might be able to tell by all the exclamation points:)

This is extra awesome, because I did my exit interview from college yesterday for financial aid and I determined how much I actually owe, and that was really depressing, so I needed this bright ray of sunshine.  I am so excited.   Need to go do more happy dance then head off to bed, just wanted to share!!!!!!

Random thoughts

Random thoughts....
I want to be the best me I can, but what if it turns out I don't like that person?  

How do you help someone see your point of view when they believe things can only be looked at one way, theirs. 

Why is it so easy to see what you should have done in the past, but so hard to see what you are supposed to do in the future?

Here is the 25 word message I would send to my family if I were in a POW camp and I wanted them to know it was me, and I knew I might never see them again.....

I love you
God loves you
Love everyone, no matter what
Find joy
work together
repent, forgive
have faith endure
follow the prophet
make memories

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

It's a little late in the evening, but I still have a few minutes to sneak in an awkward and awesome Thursday.

Awkward
Learning that 300-350 people will be laid off by multicare by October.  Not too scared about my position, but it has led to a lot of conversations about whose positions should be eliminated.

My time card is awkward, with me being sick, time off for FMLA, more sick time,low census time, meeting time and time spent in daysurgery I feel bad that my manager has to figure it out.  I didn't really want to face her this morning knowing how messed up it was.

Explaining to people that I am not completely well yet when I look just fine (I just get exhausted and a  headache really quickly)... I am sure they are thinking   "she looks fine...faker"

Forgetting that I was supposed to call and make visiting teaching appointments and getting a call wondering where I was, then showing up on someones doorstep unannounced with cookies.  Thankfully they were kind and let us in.  Sister Warren was nice and tried to play like it was her fault, but there was no miscommunicatoin, I just screwed up.  Sorry!

One more awkward,  a told me they wanted someone really good to start their IV, I am good, but not really good, but I stretched the truth and told them I had been nursing for years (which I have, but not doing IV's the whole time).  Because quite frankly it was my responsiblity to place the IV in that person and the only way I am going to get better is practice.   I missed the first time and  had to try a second time, but I did get it.  I didn't want to look the patient in the eye after I missed I felt so bad. 

On to the AWESOME!!!!
I was cross trained to daysurgery a while back so now, when all of us are getting low censused on my unit I can just go down to daysurgery and work.  It's awesome, I still have a lot to learn, but I am very grateful for the opportunity and that I have patient people working with me.

Hearing my dad's CEA and CA-19 levels have dropped a bunch since he started chemo, that's a great sign, there is a glimmer of hope.

The sunshine we had was awesome, I hope it comes back soon!

The new who wants to be a millionare game, I am hooked, I might even buy episodes I like it so much, check it out if you are on facebook.

Hope you all have an awesome week with out too many awkward times!

First run after pneumonia...ok more like a walk/run

It was so beautiful when I got up this morning and I was feeling pretty good, so I thought today would be a good day to start running again.  The doctor had said 2 weeks, and I am only a few days short of that...should be fine.  After all, I took a brisk 3 mile walk day before yesterday and didn't even break a sweat or have any troubles breathing, how much harder could running be?

I got dressed in my running clothes and got out the door, that is half the battle for me when it comes to running, getting started...usually.  I stretched and took off and I made it about 100 feet before I started feeling pretty tired, so I walked a bit, feeling tired is not generally a reason for me to walk but I didn't want to overdo it.

I took off again and I was feeling pretty good, so I went a little farther this time, maybe 200 feet.  Oh man, at this rate it was going to take me forever, no more stopping and walking for tired!   I stretched a little and took off again, this time I actually made it almost 1/2 mile before I realized it was really hurting to breath.   Guess I should probably stop for that.  I am after all recovering from pneumonia, that's expected, I  need to be cautious.   After a little walk I realized I could go about a 1/4 of a mile before I had to stop to get my breathing under control again, it was actually what I was expecting for this first trip out, so I could deal with it.

One and 1/4 miles in I realized my legs felt like noodles, not limp ones, the al dente kind, but I didn't think I should push it.  So now I was stopping to walk when it hurt to breath, and when my legs felt limp.  I told myself "No problem, I will still finish this run". 

With about 3/4 miles left to go I realized my lips were tingling...not a good thing, guess I should walk for that too.  While I was walking I decided I should try some yoga breathing, inhale for four counts 1-2-3-4 hold for 4 counts 1-2-3-4 and exhale for 8 counts 1-2-3-4-5-6-  oops lets try again in for 4, hold for 4 out for 1-2-3-4-5-6..  guess I'm not getting to 8, but my lips aren't tingling anymore, so let's run!   So now I am only running when my lungs don't hurt, my legs aren't noodling and my lips aren't tingling.  

I decided with about 1/8 mile left I should just do a cool down walk the rest of the way home.  It took me about twice as long as I thought it would, but I made it.  I have triumphed over my return to running and my next run will be even better. 

Runs like this make me appreciate what a blessing it is to be healthy, so often and in so many ways we don't realize what we have until we don't have it.  I am so thankful that I am healthy enough to run again, no matter what happens or how much I have to walk, it is a blessing to me.  Sometimes the only reason I run is because I know there are so many people that would run if they could, and I can, so I do. 
PS-my run was 2.5 miles today

Ever notice how some people bring out the negative in you?

I was talking to some people yesterday and afterwords I just felt bad.  Like I had been real negative and complained a lot, not what I want to do, or who I want to be.   I heard a someone say that sometimes we act or do things that are bad or not good for us and it helps us see that we don't want to do it.  Rather than beat yourself up about what you have done, you just say to yourself OK self, that's not what I wanted, I am not going to do that again, repent and move on.  It can be so easy to wallow in the bad things that we do or mistakes that we make and beat ourselves up and believe that we can't be any better than we are, but where is the purpose or joy in that?  I choose to have hope that I can consistently get better, that I can accomplish much more than my insecurities have allowed me to in the past. 

So what am I going to do?  I am going to avoid the negative people in my life that bring out the worst in me for a while, as much as possible, while I become stonger at being positive.  I am going to work to surround myself with positive people  and positivity.  I am researching positive quotes, I pretty much have my old ones memorized now, time to replace them.  Last but definately not least, I am going to pray to my Father in Heaven to help me kick out negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts day and night until I know I am strong enought that I won't let negative people suck me in and encourage me to be negative with them. 

Positive affirmation for the day....  "The best is yet to be"    John Lennon

am I the only person that doesn't care about the casey anthony verdict?

OK, so huge media hype on these people, people we have never met and thanks the media circus it seems milliions  of people had decided that she was guillty and are now devastated.  The newscaster was crying and so choked up she could  hardly speak when she was reading the verdict.  Since when did we start trying people in the media?  Seems to me that the Jurors saw all the evidence and would have the most information to make that decision.   I don't know if she is guilty or not, and quite frankly I don't really care.  If she is guilty she will be punished for the rest of her life by all the people that convicted her themselves while watching the trial.  This woman will never again have a normal live, in jail or out.  If she is not guilty this woman has been put through hell after loosing her daughter because she freaked out and hid what happened.  Really stupid thing to do, but hey, people do really stupid things unders stress some times.  Don't get me wrong, losing a beautiful little girl under questionable circumstances has to be devastating, noone even knew  who she was, or met her, so why are they crying in the streets and calling for vengeance like it was their onw kid?  There are so many better things to focus on right now.  Like letting the family move forward after a tragedy.  They have a lot of healing to do.

I return to work tomorrow, 4 hours in day surgery followed by a meeting.  I figured it was a great way to start off my return to work.  I hope it all goes OK and I will be well enough to return to full shifts by this weekend.  The unit closed over the weekend, so me being off sick didin't have much of an impact, thank goodness.  I only hope my sick pay was used so I get some semblence of a paycheclk.  I have officially started my job search now that I have my BSN, not sure w here I am going, but I do know it's time for some new scenery, and challenges , hopefully closer to home.  Love the people I work with, but I want to move forward too.  If you know of any great nursing jobs for a nurse with 15 years experience, an RN, BSN and BC med surg nurse with many years as charge nurse let me know so I can check it out.  Thanks!

and I thought fireworks were illegal here!

Bob has gone to bed, and I am sitting here alone listening to all the fireworks explode, it is non-stop, some of them are pretty big, no, extremely big...and I thought fireworks were illegal here!  I can tell people are trying to be sneaky, noone is lighting off a bunch all in a row so the police can't find them. 

I remember someone (Mr Yeager) calling the police on my kids when they tried to light fireworks off.  The officer came and told them where they could go to light them off legally, should they have any more they needed to light off.  Off course they denied having any more....

Listening to the fireworks brings back memories of July 4th's gone by and the stress of allowing my kids to light off fireworks.  I love to watch them, and the boys really loved to light them, but I was always afraid one of them was going to blow their fingers off like my cousins neighbor did when we were kids.  Thankfully they all made it to adulthood with all of their fingers intact.  Unfortunately some mom is not going to be so lucky tonight, my heart goes out to her, wherever she is.  The closest our family ever came to that was when we were kids.  My mom and dad had a barbecue and my dad blew a whole in the top of my mom's tupperware caketaker....oops!   That was 4 decades ago.   I also my aunt being drunk and crying and singing that night, I hadn't really seen someone drunk before, so it left an impression....but I digress. 

I love the big fireworks display Lacey has every year on the 3rd of July.  What great planning, everyone is free on the 3rd of July.   It used to be called South Sound Center, now it is Target Center.   I just call it awesome.  They do a really good job and it just warms my heart to see all of the people in our community turn out for a local fireworks show.  I've been doing that since I was a kid, haven't missed many, so when Bob and I went last night, alone on the Fourth of July for the first time since right after we were married and started having kids, there was  flood of memories then also.  We may not have always been the same place on the Fourth, but it hasn't been just the 2 of us together. 

I was planning on going to visit my mom in Allyn and  help her in her icecream shop (Kayaks n Kones) and watch everyone set of their fireworks there on the water but I am not quite recovered enought yet.  Sorry mom, none of my family will be there to set your neighbors yard on fire with fireworks this year. 

It's a strange tradition, blowing things up on the 4th to celebrate the greatness of our country, but it kind of makes sense.  As I sit here I picture people in other countries hearing what I am hearing and NOT knowing that it is just fireworks.  I am so grateful that I live in a free country where I don't have to worry about bombs in my backyard.  When I hear explosions I think fireworks or Fort Lewis practicing, not "where are my kids?"  I am very grateful for those that serve our country and for the sacrifices they and their families make so that I can listen to fireworks and be unafraid.  So tonight I say THANK YOU!!!!!!  seems inadequate, but it's the best I can do and HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE!

I actually feel human again!

I actually feel like a human again.  Showered, dressed teeth brushed and even accomplished something today!

I figured I should "train" to get my energy back up to return to 12 hour shifts at work next week so I went for a walk.   I made it about a half mile before I found a bench to sit on and talk to an old WWII vet.  It was kind of cool because he was in the Navy and flew bombers and I just watched Pearl Harbor yesterday.  Although he did his time in places I didn't realize had anything to do with WWII like "South of Africa".  Guess I need to check my history and geography books again, that never was  my strong suit.  Nice old guy , he has a "barkless" dog that kind of yodels.  After about a 20 minute talk with him and resting I told him thanks for his service to our country and walked back my half mile.  (for any that might be mathmatically challenged that is 1 mile total).    I was actually short of breath and sweating...I could smell my pits, and I showered right before I went.  That's just gross!  Tomorrow my goal is to walk 2 miles, sad but true.  Bob keeps reminding me "baby steps"

Sunny is awesome, but the way it highlights dirt on your car...not so much, so I made a stop by the carwarsh, love those places.  I felt sorry for the guys working though, they really should be allowed to wear shorts on nicer days, those long pants and shirts make them look all hot and sweatty.  I guess if I were younger that might mean something different, but I am not, so keep your mind out of the gutter!!

I got a few more odds and ends done, overall I am feeling much better about going back to work next week.

Oh yea, got my appetite back today and ate more calories for lunch than I have for the past 3 days, I am thinking the weightloss part of pneumonia is done, a true sign I am on the mend. 

Awesome and Awkward Thursday

Yeah! It's that time again, I love Awesome and Awkward Thursdays!

Really only one awkward, and lots of awesome this week.

It's awkward being sick, it's a good reminder to me as a nurse how the people I take care of feel, sometimes everyday.  I know I will get well, but some of them never will.  What's awkward is that if I sit still and do nothing I feel ok, but any exertion makes me short of breath and triggers coughing fits, so people that see me tell me "you don't look sick".  I think it is supposed to be a compliment, but it is just awkward, I want to say something rude asking about when they got their astute assessment skills and the X-Ray vision to look in side my chest and see the pneumonia, but I refrain, that would just be rude. 

Now for the Awesomeness!!!!  The days are kind of out of order, but awesome nonetheless!

Seeing all my kids this weekend, at least for a minute.  We called ourselves team hope and had purple t-shirts made.  After the 5 of us running finished the rock n roll on Saturday we took a picture of our whole family in our team hope T-shirts to show support for the fight against pancreatic cancer and illustrate our hope for my dad to beat it.  Steven, being a died in the wool WSU coug refused to actually put the purple on, he did hold it up for the picture.  We later went and had dinner and finished up swimming in the pool at the Ramada where Mark and kellie were staying. 

Our roof got refinished.  Huge and awesome thanks to my kids that were able to help, especially Greg and Tyla for all their "roof time"  many they really ripped that t hing up and got down to business fixing it before others could even get here to help.  It was wonderful they were willing to do that and I am very grateful to them.

All of my kids and families got a chance to spend time with my dad this week, we had a BBQ last Sunday that was awesome.

After a rocky start due to miscommunication we had a totally awesome day with my mom Thursday (aka grandma Knight).  We kayaked, had icecream at her shop, BBQ'd and the chainsaw artist across the street did a special demonstration for us and we watched as he carved bears out of wood for the 3 oldest grandkids.  Definately the highlight of the day, then we walked on the beach collecting shells and finished off roasting huge marshmallows.  Quite an awesome day.  Thanks mom and Richard!

Friday was awesome because we took our grandsons on the Ferry for the first time ever.  They got bored kind of fast, but it was still cool.  We all picked up our packets at the fitness expo, along with a ton of healthy samples and the kids made signs supporting the runners.  Over all another awesome day.  Oh yea, we went to dinner at the spagetti factory and the kids went to see Cars II with grandpa (I was tired by then).

Last but not least I finished my BSN last Wednesday, YEAH, that was extra awesome.  Special thanks to Bob for his support on that one, love you baby!

It was so great to have everyone here even though some of the trips were quick, and some went home with a few blisters as souveniers:).  Thanks to all of you that made the effort for it to happen, Love you all!!!!





Sitting around getting well this week is probably going to lead to a pretty boring awkward and awesome Thursday next week, unless something unexpected happens.....

Once again, what was I thinking?

OK. so perhpas running a strenuous 10K followed by replacing my roof, going kayaking then running a 1/2 marathon in a 2 week time period was a bit much.  Maybe I didn't notice I was feeling the greatest because all of my family was here to visit so I thought I was just tired.  They obviously provided a great distraction, because I didn't even realize I was sick before the half marathon yesterday.

After the half I didn't feel so great, but actually I felt a lot better than I did last year, it was until the evening that my body succombed and said I had abused it enough.  I thought a good nights sleep and getting some fluids in me would fix everything.  Apparently not...I could bearly get out of bed this morning, still thinking that the nausea and headache and overall body pains were from dehydration and being poorly prepared for the run I pushed through today, I had my sons and Bob give me a blesing before they left for the airport.

I was actually waking up a little to think clearer by the time Bob got back from the airport, I got a little fluids in, and asked me if I wanted him to take me to the hospital.  I declined initially, but then after talking with my dad, and him warning be how careful I should be after running to take care of myself (he had a friend develop serious problems after running) I decided I just felt a lot lousier than I should be feeling a day out from the race. 

Guess what, when you tell the people you have chest pain  when you breath  you get triaged and taken to a room really quickly.  They were talking rhabdo and renal failure and I was thinking oh crap, what have I done?  But after a liter of fluid my urine looked pretty dang good and all of my labs were good, except my white blood cell count was elevated so the doctor decided to do the  chest X-ray that he had talked about initiallly.  Turns out I have walking pneumonia, although in my case that would be running pneumonia, he couldn't believe I ran a half marathon with pneumonia, no wonder I felt like dirt!  After a liter of fluid and antibiotics I would like to say I am feeling a lot better, but I am not really, my chest hurts like crazy, but I am no longer nauseated or dizzy.  I am to follow up with my regular doctor tomorrow. 

Never before would I have been glad to hear a diagnosis of pneomonia.  Know why I am glad this time?  cause it means I am not just and out of shape old lady that didn't prepare well enough, I am someone stupid enought to not recognize I had pneumonia and run a half marathon with it, as a nurse that is just embarassing.  I have to admit, I wanted to run that race with my kids so badly I probably would have tried to run it even if I had known.

Other than the pneumonia thing this has been a great week, I had a great visit with my kids, got a lot accomplished and I finished my BSN!!!! YEAH!!!

I think I have realized that when I don't want to face the truth I just don't think about the facts of the situation, so the question
"what was I thinking"  can easily answered by saying "I was seriously trying not to think, because I didn't like the answers I got when I thought"

Hope everyone had a great week!  I miss my family, but it is definately time for me to rest

Awesome and Awkward Thursday

I had to review last weeks blog as I had a deja vu with my first awkward item...not the same, but very similar

Awkard
Once again sitting in a computer lab with a total stranger, for 6 hours this time.  Different lab and different stranger, but every bit as awkward.  This one wasn't talking on the phone, we just didn't seem to have anything in common, she was single, older, never married pediatric nurse.  It was one of those situations where you keep throwing questions out there to start a conversation and you get yes or no answers, I finally gave up.  To make it worse she seemed to know everyone that came in, and she spoke freely to them, so it was just me she didn't want to talk to.  We did have 6 people come in so there were some breaks in the awkwardness.

The rest of the week falls in to the Awesome category!!!!

I tried to call in sick on FMLA for only a few hours to go to a doctors appointment with my dad, but there wasn't a lot of notice (there was a mix up in communication, my fault) but they told told me it would be much easier if I just took the whole day off, rather than trying to get someone to cover part of my shift.....OK, twist my arm.  Dad is tolerating the chemo well, which is very awesome.

Arianne agreed to cover part of my shift on Sunday so I can go to church with my dad and husband for fathers day!

Greg and Tyla got here with the boys, so that is mega awesome!!!!

We (meaning Greg and Tyla) are replacing our roof, it's hardwork, but it is awesome because we need it so badly.

The weather is almost summer like so we aren't getting rained on while we do the roof!

The rest of my kids are coming throughout the next week.  Also awesome!

Oh yeah, and I ran the sound to narrows 12k in 1hour 36 minutes, very sore afterwards because of the hills,  but that was also awesome!

Thankfully there is way more awesome stuff right now than awkward, let's hope it stays that way!

Awesome and Awkward Thursday

Time for another awkward and awesome post, it's always interesting to look at what's been going on and think about how I really felt about it


Awkward first....
Annual physical with pap smear....need I say more?

Waiting in a very small  library to teach people about a new computer program with an IT person from another facility I had never met before for 6 hours.... and only one person showed up to be taught.  This IT person took calls about computer problems all day, so carrying on a conversation didn't really work. I finally gave up and read an entire book.  Good thing we were in a library.

This one was probably more awkward for my dad, and he will kill me for putting it on here, but he had a "sore" on his butt....I had to look to make sure it wasn't infected (it was just a cyst, I am sure he is happy for everyone to know that), I am a nurse so I look at peoples bodies all the time, but telling my dad to drop his pants so I could see his butt was a little awkward.   Thankfully he doesn't have a gross, dirty or hairy butt, that would have been REALLY awkward.

Awesome

My mom had an idea for geoduck icecream a while back and it was a hit!  Yeah mom!

I got my assignment turned in early so I could go to see Pirates of the Carribean with Bob:)  always fun.

Making plans for the kids to come next week!!!!!  That is actually MORE than awesome!!!!

Only 2 more assignments (after the one I am turning in today) and I will graduate with my BSN!!!!!

Signed up to run the Tacoma Sound to Narrows on Saturday!

Listened to several hours of my Time Out for Women CD, and remembered why I am so glad there are events like that to lift me, and other up, what a blessing, I felt totally optomisitc and ready to take on the world after that!

Overall lots more awesome than awkwsard this week, which is always a good thing. Time to knock out my second to last assignment, a powerpoint so I can relax with my husband tonight, and work on some of the cleaning I need to do before my family arrives.  I have given up on getting it as good as I have in the past, but they are here to see us, not our house, right?  If I am wrong that will be in next weeks Awkward section.

goeduck icecream

Wow, who would have thought geoduck icecream (pronounced goo-ee duck) would be such a hit?  Olympic Mountain icecream, a chef and my mom's shop, kayaks & Kones in Allyn WA,  worked together to produce 2 different geoduck icecreams, one with a lemon base and one with a lime base, for the geoduck festival and they were a hit.  They sold so much Olympic Mountain dairy had to work overnight to make another batch for the second day of the festival!  Reviews vary from "what sick person thought that up" to "love it" and everywhere in between.  Some say it leaves a unique aftertaste, personally I am not a seafood person, so I don't anticipate trying it, but my husband can't wait.  My mom's shop is now "Kayaks & Kones-home of geoduck icecream!  I think it started out as fun, but it looks like a genious marketing strategy because her business was incredible the last 2 days.  Yeah Mom!  Looks like Bob and I will be heading up there on the 4th of July to help out, we expect it to be another big day!  If you have never seen a geoduck google it, they are huge, weird looking clams. 

I have found a reason to run...this is not spam

 

My dad was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  It was very discouraging to listen to the doctor apologize because there were not more effective treatment options available because pancreatic cancer is not a "popular" cancer, so the funding for research isn't there.  I decided to join Teamhope during the Rock n Roll marathon and raise money for pancreatic cancer research.  My dad needs to beat this so we need to find a cure fast!  Donating is very easy, just click on the link, or copy and paste it to your brouser and it will take you to my webpage to donate.  All of the funds go to the Pancreatic research.

 

Some facts.....

Did you know an estimated 43,140 Americans will be diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2010 and 36,800 will pass away from the disease?

We need to change these statistics. Join me in support of Pancreatic Cancer Action Network's effort to advance research, support patients and create hope.

Together, I believe we can make a difference.

Please visit my personal page to learn more. Thank you for your support!

Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support Pancreatic Cancer Action Network

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Julie Northrup

Why is it when I have the time I don't have the money.....

Why is it that when I have the time I don't have the money, and when I have the money I don't have the time?  I have all these projects I want to do around our house, but I  have no time to do them because I have been working so much and going to school.  Now that I have cut back my hours at work, I have a lot more time, but a lot less money.  I need to be more creative and plan ahead, when I work the extra hours I need to buy the supplies for a project and stash them so I can do the project when I am not working.  Of course that would mean I also have to remember that I bought those supplies....

I love my family, they say that when the going gets tough, the tough get going, and that is exactly what I have seen from them recently.  Sometimes having a lot of stubborn, strong willed people in the family is really a great thing, because we stick together, work together, support each other and no one is going to let anyone else quit.  When I married I thought I was marrying in to the perfect family that would make everything wonderful, what I have discovered is that I already  had the perfect Mormon family, we were just incognito.  Do we have a lot of faults and make a lot of mistakes? Sure we do, but so does everyone else!  Some people are just more public about their mistakes than others and guess what?   The atonement covers us all.

My focus has not been on working lately, and my paycheck is going to show it, but sometimes, OK often, there are things a lot more important than money, like emotional support and strength.  I am looking to find the right job for myself, I am getting too old to do bedside nursing, it is just too physical, but I am afraid of making a mistake and choosing the wrong job and right this minute is probably not the best time to start something new.  I found a quote today from a book called Managing Transitions (Bridges, 1991).  He says to ask yourself "Am I pushing  for certainty and closure where it would be better for me to live a little longer with uncertainty and questions?"  OK, so I put quotation marks and that is not an exact quote because the book is geared at institutional change, not personal change, but I quoted it the way it works for me.   I think right now I just need to relax a little, clean my house, enjoy the sun, talk to my family and see what happens.

justs like riding a bike>>>

I decided that I needed to cross train, thanks to my dad and his neighbor I now own a bike, it's a little rusty, but it works just fine.  I purchased  he obligatory helmet, and set out.  Within the first 50 feet my quads were burning.  I thought I was in a little better shape than that , but I pushed through it.  I have to say that even though I hadn't ridden a bike in 3 decades I did fairly wel, it came right back, as the saying goes just like riding a bike, you never forget.  Well, I may not have forgotten, but I didn't remember everything, like how exactly to stop smoothly and get started again without looking like a fool.  But I managed.  I was feeling pretty good about my ride up the chehalis western until on my way back, I forgot about hand signals and started to make a left hand turn, apparently there was a much more experience rider that had been trying to pass me and I hadn't noticed, that is until I almost crashed right into him, thankfully his skills were up to par and he was able to avoid me.  I yelled out "sorry-new at this".  He had to be thinking, that lady looks way too old to just be starting to ride, but he kept going and I will probably never see him again, no harm not foul.  I definatly need to invest in a new seat, the small ones are a little uncomfortable in some of the more private areas, but that is an easy fix, overall I feel pretty good about my ride.  Thankfully the weather was awesome so I was able to get in a couple good runs this week, the longest one was 8 miles.  Good progress towards the rock n roll half marathon. Sounds like the boys are all coming along with their training too, I am so looking forward to June 25th!  we have the hotels booked for those that are running, I keep envisioning myself standing there with my boys and all our finish metals, so cool, and it looks great on a man resume for those still looking that is.  I am hoping the weather gets nicer so  training will be a little easier.

  My schedule changed, big drop in pay, but I can really use the extra time right now for all the stuff going on.  I am keeping my eyes open for a new nursing position, preferrably one in hospital education, I will have my BSN soon, so that should help.  If anyone knows of any positions for an experienced RN I would be willing to check them out.

I have developed a bad habit of pushing back my homework assignments until saturday when they are due, that creates unnecessary stress, I need to over come that habit, but things are so busy, that is when it seems to fit.

It's been a tough few weeks, and I am exhausted, time for bed!

Time Out for Women

For those of you that are not familiar with Time Out for Women (TOFW)  it is a 2 day conference that is held in cities around the united states. The organizers gather the best, most uplifting and entertaining speakers together, and ask them to speak specifically to the things that are important to women.   It is related to church, but it is most definitly not church. I was thinking as I sat there that any Christian woman would be uplifted by it, not just Latter Day Saint women.   I didn't make it last year, but I heard so many rave reviews that as soon as I saw the tickets come available I bought mine, which was a good thing, because they sold out very quickly.

It has been a rough busy couple weeks, so I considered not going, but since I already had plans to go with a friend and stay overnight, and the hotel was already paid for I decided not to back out (Thank you Lisa!).  I had other things I needed/wanted  to do on Friday, so we got kind of a late start, but we made pretty good time (must have been driving a bit fast), we were able to make the 6:30 start time. 

I had a blast.  Some people say speakers like John Bytheway are sell outs, making money off the church, I think he is an awesome, funny, talented speaker that makes people laugh and cry while he motivates them to become better.  There was one speaker that was only "good"  the rest were absolutely awesome.  Honestly, I was prepared to be a little bored at times, but that didn't happen.  The music, provided by Mercy River and John Mclain was both comforting and humorous.  It has made me look at my life, and what I am becoming and question, am I on the path the God would choose for me, or am I on a path that looks exciting and fun to me, or worse, one that other people want me on, but not one I would choose for myself?  I really need to think hard about the choices I am making in my life, because they affect people other than myself. 

The organizers goal, to provide a time out for women, was well accomplished and I am very grateful they chose Seattle as one of their cities.  I am now looking forward on their schedule to see if there is one located near Kellie and Tyla that I could go to with them, because I know they would absolutley love it, and honestly, I can't wait to participate in another one!

If you ever get the chance to go to a TOFW take it! 

Ventilators and Tornados: Lessons Learned at CDP

As many of you know I had the chance to go to Aniston Alabama to take a class called Healthcare Leadership for Mass Casualty incidents.  It was sponsored by the Federal Emergency Management System, which is part of Homeland security.  It was an awesome and many times overwhelming experience, but I learned a lot! 

Here are a few things I learned:
Lesson #1 Our government likes to give things fancy names so there are a lot of acronyms, more than a lot, in fact our book had several pages explaining nothing but the acronyms used, it's a whole different language.

Lesson #2 I always thought I could never live where there were tornados, and since this was tornado season and there were tornados in the area the previous week, I was a little apprehensive.  That is, until I got there.  Everywhere you go there are signs telling you where the tornado shelters are, and the weather is predicted very specifically, up to the minute.  There was an enormous thunderstorm one of the nights we were there, being nervous I turned on the tv to make sure there were no tornado watches or warnings.  There weren't but what I found out was that the thunderstorms were going to stop at 1256am. not 1am, but 1256...I watched the clock and they did stop....at 1256.  It was amazing, our weather people cannot even tell us if there are going to be thunderstorms, let alone the exact minute they will stop!  Obviosly they have developed incredible weather tracking abilities there, so I stopped worrying about tornados.  Although I do have to admit that when I was out running I was constantly looking around to determine where I could escape to if I did see signs of one.

Lesson #3 it is always important to be prepared and have a plan, but you have to know that plan, just having it on paper doesn't do much good when you are in the middle of chaos, because you can look through books, but when you are stressed it is really hard to find information, even when you know exactly where it is.

Lesson #4 When you are in an exercise and the people running the exercise don't want you to have enough ventilators, you are not going to be able to locate them, no matter what you do.  How can you learn if you always have what you need when  you need it?  In real life you never have everything you needed right when you need it.  Sometimes you need the stress of NOT being able to have or do something in order to learn  how to deal with that. 

Lesson #5  When going in to a stressful situation it is always good to have friends around.  This week was incredibly stressful and phone service was sketchy.  I had people I knew, but no true friends with me and that made what I went through much more difficult than it had to be. There were a lot of friendly people around, but there is no substitute for true friends or family.   I am very blessed with a large family and a lot of supportive friends, it made me appreciate them much more, and it made me a lot more sensitive to what those that don't have that must deal with every day of their life.  

Final take away.  Amidst all the chaos one of the other participatns said "people think I am a b**** and I am not really like that" someone else replied  "you are what others percieve you to be".   It made me wonder what others perceive me to be, but then again, it is not important what "others" perceive me to be, it is only important what my Father in Heaven percieves me to be, and I want that to be good. 

ps.  Our command center determined this week that when you are in a disaster you need a S***load of ventilators!!!!


The Center for Domestic preparedness offers many classes to help first responders and healthcare leadership prepare for a disaster.  All classes are free for people at the local level, that means all transportation, lodging food and supplies are provided, you just need to be there.  If you would like more information, or to register go to cdp.gov and check it out. I highly recommend it.