Super amazing day

Early last year I applied for a volunteer position with the ANCC as a content expert panel member (cep).  I was shocked today to find out that I got accepted.  What a huge honor and very humbling!  This is a national organization.  As I understand it I will be helping review some of the content for the certification exams.  I truly did not expect to receive this honor, but it made my day!!!!!   Of course there are strict confidentiality rules that say I can't say a word about what I actually do or the materials I review, but I think letting my friends know I was accepted is OK, so long as I never talk to anyone about it again:).  I also have to keep my position as a med-surg nurse for the duration of my term (3 or 4 years) and report any conflict of interest I might see, but right now that doesn't seem like a very hard thing to do.  I have been doing my happy dance all day long!!!!   (You might be able to tell by all the exclamation points:)

This is extra awesome, because I did my exit interview from college yesterday for financial aid and I determined how much I actually owe, and that was really depressing, so I needed this bright ray of sunshine.  I am so excited.   Need to go do more happy dance then head off to bed, just wanted to share!!!!!!

Random thoughts

Random thoughts....
I want to be the best me I can, but what if it turns out I don't like that person?  

How do you help someone see your point of view when they believe things can only be looked at one way, theirs. 

Why is it so easy to see what you should have done in the past, but so hard to see what you are supposed to do in the future?

Here is the 25 word message I would send to my family if I were in a POW camp and I wanted them to know it was me, and I knew I might never see them again.....

I love you
God loves you
Love everyone, no matter what
Find joy
work together
repent, forgive
have faith endure
follow the prophet
make memories

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

It's a little late in the evening, but I still have a few minutes to sneak in an awkward and awesome Thursday.

Awkward
Learning that 300-350 people will be laid off by multicare by October.  Not too scared about my position, but it has led to a lot of conversations about whose positions should be eliminated.

My time card is awkward, with me being sick, time off for FMLA, more sick time,low census time, meeting time and time spent in daysurgery I feel bad that my manager has to figure it out.  I didn't really want to face her this morning knowing how messed up it was.

Explaining to people that I am not completely well yet when I look just fine (I just get exhausted and a  headache really quickly)... I am sure they are thinking   "she looks fine...faker"

Forgetting that I was supposed to call and make visiting teaching appointments and getting a call wondering where I was, then showing up on someones doorstep unannounced with cookies.  Thankfully they were kind and let us in.  Sister Warren was nice and tried to play like it was her fault, but there was no miscommunicatoin, I just screwed up.  Sorry!

One more awkward,  a told me they wanted someone really good to start their IV, I am good, but not really good, but I stretched the truth and told them I had been nursing for years (which I have, but not doing IV's the whole time).  Because quite frankly it was my responsiblity to place the IV in that person and the only way I am going to get better is practice.   I missed the first time and  had to try a second time, but I did get it.  I didn't want to look the patient in the eye after I missed I felt so bad. 

On to the AWESOME!!!!
I was cross trained to daysurgery a while back so now, when all of us are getting low censused on my unit I can just go down to daysurgery and work.  It's awesome, I still have a lot to learn, but I am very grateful for the opportunity and that I have patient people working with me.

Hearing my dad's CEA and CA-19 levels have dropped a bunch since he started chemo, that's a great sign, there is a glimmer of hope.

The sunshine we had was awesome, I hope it comes back soon!

The new who wants to be a millionare game, I am hooked, I might even buy episodes I like it so much, check it out if you are on facebook.

Hope you all have an awesome week with out too many awkward times!

First run after pneumonia...ok more like a walk/run

It was so beautiful when I got up this morning and I was feeling pretty good, so I thought today would be a good day to start running again.  The doctor had said 2 weeks, and I am only a few days short of that...should be fine.  After all, I took a brisk 3 mile walk day before yesterday and didn't even break a sweat or have any troubles breathing, how much harder could running be?

I got dressed in my running clothes and got out the door, that is half the battle for me when it comes to running, getting started...usually.  I stretched and took off and I made it about 100 feet before I started feeling pretty tired, so I walked a bit, feeling tired is not generally a reason for me to walk but I didn't want to overdo it.

I took off again and I was feeling pretty good, so I went a little farther this time, maybe 200 feet.  Oh man, at this rate it was going to take me forever, no more stopping and walking for tired!   I stretched a little and took off again, this time I actually made it almost 1/2 mile before I realized it was really hurting to breath.   Guess I should probably stop for that.  I am after all recovering from pneumonia, that's expected, I  need to be cautious.   After a little walk I realized I could go about a 1/4 of a mile before I had to stop to get my breathing under control again, it was actually what I was expecting for this first trip out, so I could deal with it.

One and 1/4 miles in I realized my legs felt like noodles, not limp ones, the al dente kind, but I didn't think I should push it.  So now I was stopping to walk when it hurt to breath, and when my legs felt limp.  I told myself "No problem, I will still finish this run". 

With about 3/4 miles left to go I realized my lips were tingling...not a good thing, guess I should walk for that too.  While I was walking I decided I should try some yoga breathing, inhale for four counts 1-2-3-4 hold for 4 counts 1-2-3-4 and exhale for 8 counts 1-2-3-4-5-6-  oops lets try again in for 4, hold for 4 out for 1-2-3-4-5-6..  guess I'm not getting to 8, but my lips aren't tingling anymore, so let's run!   So now I am only running when my lungs don't hurt, my legs aren't noodling and my lips aren't tingling.  

I decided with about 1/8 mile left I should just do a cool down walk the rest of the way home.  It took me about twice as long as I thought it would, but I made it.  I have triumphed over my return to running and my next run will be even better. 

Runs like this make me appreciate what a blessing it is to be healthy, so often and in so many ways we don't realize what we have until we don't have it.  I am so thankful that I am healthy enough to run again, no matter what happens or how much I have to walk, it is a blessing to me.  Sometimes the only reason I run is because I know there are so many people that would run if they could, and I can, so I do. 
PS-my run was 2.5 miles today

Ever notice how some people bring out the negative in you?

I was talking to some people yesterday and afterwords I just felt bad.  Like I had been real negative and complained a lot, not what I want to do, or who I want to be.   I heard a someone say that sometimes we act or do things that are bad or not good for us and it helps us see that we don't want to do it.  Rather than beat yourself up about what you have done, you just say to yourself OK self, that's not what I wanted, I am not going to do that again, repent and move on.  It can be so easy to wallow in the bad things that we do or mistakes that we make and beat ourselves up and believe that we can't be any better than we are, but where is the purpose or joy in that?  I choose to have hope that I can consistently get better, that I can accomplish much more than my insecurities have allowed me to in the past. 

So what am I going to do?  I am going to avoid the negative people in my life that bring out the worst in me for a while, as much as possible, while I become stonger at being positive.  I am going to work to surround myself with positive people  and positivity.  I am researching positive quotes, I pretty much have my old ones memorized now, time to replace them.  Last but definately not least, I am going to pray to my Father in Heaven to help me kick out negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts day and night until I know I am strong enought that I won't let negative people suck me in and encourage me to be negative with them. 

Positive affirmation for the day....  "The best is yet to be"    John Lennon

am I the only person that doesn't care about the casey anthony verdict?

OK, so huge media hype on these people, people we have never met and thanks the media circus it seems milliions  of people had decided that she was guillty and are now devastated.  The newscaster was crying and so choked up she could  hardly speak when she was reading the verdict.  Since when did we start trying people in the media?  Seems to me that the Jurors saw all the evidence and would have the most information to make that decision.   I don't know if she is guilty or not, and quite frankly I don't really care.  If she is guilty she will be punished for the rest of her life by all the people that convicted her themselves while watching the trial.  This woman will never again have a normal live, in jail or out.  If she is not guilty this woman has been put through hell after loosing her daughter because she freaked out and hid what happened.  Really stupid thing to do, but hey, people do really stupid things unders stress some times.  Don't get me wrong, losing a beautiful little girl under questionable circumstances has to be devastating, noone even knew  who she was, or met her, so why are they crying in the streets and calling for vengeance like it was their onw kid?  There are so many better things to focus on right now.  Like letting the family move forward after a tragedy.  They have a lot of healing to do.

I return to work tomorrow, 4 hours in day surgery followed by a meeting.  I figured it was a great way to start off my return to work.  I hope it all goes OK and I will be well enough to return to full shifts by this weekend.  The unit closed over the weekend, so me being off sick didin't have much of an impact, thank goodness.  I only hope my sick pay was used so I get some semblence of a paycheclk.  I have officially started my job search now that I have my BSN, not sure w here I am going, but I do know it's time for some new scenery, and challenges , hopefully closer to home.  Love the people I work with, but I want to move forward too.  If you know of any great nursing jobs for a nurse with 15 years experience, an RN, BSN and BC med surg nurse with many years as charge nurse let me know so I can check it out.  Thanks!

and I thought fireworks were illegal here!

Bob has gone to bed, and I am sitting here alone listening to all the fireworks explode, it is non-stop, some of them are pretty big, no, extremely big...and I thought fireworks were illegal here!  I can tell people are trying to be sneaky, noone is lighting off a bunch all in a row so the police can't find them. 

I remember someone (Mr Yeager) calling the police on my kids when they tried to light fireworks off.  The officer came and told them where they could go to light them off legally, should they have any more they needed to light off.  Off course they denied having any more....

Listening to the fireworks brings back memories of July 4th's gone by and the stress of allowing my kids to light off fireworks.  I love to watch them, and the boys really loved to light them, but I was always afraid one of them was going to blow their fingers off like my cousins neighbor did when we were kids.  Thankfully they all made it to adulthood with all of their fingers intact.  Unfortunately some mom is not going to be so lucky tonight, my heart goes out to her, wherever she is.  The closest our family ever came to that was when we were kids.  My mom and dad had a barbecue and my dad blew a whole in the top of my mom's tupperware caketaker....oops!   That was 4 decades ago.   I also my aunt being drunk and crying and singing that night, I hadn't really seen someone drunk before, so it left an impression....but I digress. 

I love the big fireworks display Lacey has every year on the 3rd of July.  What great planning, everyone is free on the 3rd of July.   It used to be called South Sound Center, now it is Target Center.   I just call it awesome.  They do a really good job and it just warms my heart to see all of the people in our community turn out for a local fireworks show.  I've been doing that since I was a kid, haven't missed many, so when Bob and I went last night, alone on the Fourth of July for the first time since right after we were married and started having kids, there was  flood of memories then also.  We may not have always been the same place on the Fourth, but it hasn't been just the 2 of us together. 

I was planning on going to visit my mom in Allyn and  help her in her icecream shop (Kayaks n Kones) and watch everyone set of their fireworks there on the water but I am not quite recovered enought yet.  Sorry mom, none of my family will be there to set your neighbors yard on fire with fireworks this year. 

It's a strange tradition, blowing things up on the 4th to celebrate the greatness of our country, but it kind of makes sense.  As I sit here I picture people in other countries hearing what I am hearing and NOT knowing that it is just fireworks.  I am so grateful that I live in a free country where I don't have to worry about bombs in my backyard.  When I hear explosions I think fireworks or Fort Lewis practicing, not "where are my kids?"  I am very grateful for those that serve our country and for the sacrifices they and their families make so that I can listen to fireworks and be unafraid.  So tonight I say THANK YOU!!!!!!  seems inadequate, but it's the best I can do and HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE!

I actually feel human again!

I actually feel like a human again.  Showered, dressed teeth brushed and even accomplished something today!

I figured I should "train" to get my energy back up to return to 12 hour shifts at work next week so I went for a walk.   I made it about a half mile before I found a bench to sit on and talk to an old WWII vet.  It was kind of cool because he was in the Navy and flew bombers and I just watched Pearl Harbor yesterday.  Although he did his time in places I didn't realize had anything to do with WWII like "South of Africa".  Guess I need to check my history and geography books again, that never was  my strong suit.  Nice old guy , he has a "barkless" dog that kind of yodels.  After about a 20 minute talk with him and resting I told him thanks for his service to our country and walked back my half mile.  (for any that might be mathmatically challenged that is 1 mile total).    I was actually short of breath and sweating...I could smell my pits, and I showered right before I went.  That's just gross!  Tomorrow my goal is to walk 2 miles, sad but true.  Bob keeps reminding me "baby steps"

Sunny is awesome, but the way it highlights dirt on your car...not so much, so I made a stop by the carwarsh, love those places.  I felt sorry for the guys working though, they really should be allowed to wear shorts on nicer days, those long pants and shirts make them look all hot and sweatty.  I guess if I were younger that might mean something different, but I am not, so keep your mind out of the gutter!!

I got a few more odds and ends done, overall I am feeling much better about going back to work next week.

Oh yea, got my appetite back today and ate more calories for lunch than I have for the past 3 days, I am thinking the weightloss part of pneumonia is done, a true sign I am on the mend.