This is my favorite picture of me and my dad....a long time ago. Miss you dad
Saturday, March 26, 2011
What was I thinking: Guilty
What was I thinking: Guilty: "Guilty, why is it so easy to feel guilty? I am not a slacker, I know that, and people that work with me know that. Yet, somewher..."
Guilty
Guilty, why is it so easy to feel guilty? I am not a slacker, I know that, and people that work with me know that. Yet, somewhere inside me I must have doubts, because everytime I find myself not doing something I feel guilty. Never mind that I seem to have scheduled every other moment of the day. Maybe I just like feeling guilty? No, I hate it.
I think part of it is the good, better, best thing. I want to always be using my time for the best things, yet too often I stop at the good, or include time wasters, like watching TV. Yet, if I want to be the best I can, shouldn't I consistently be choosing the best thing to do? Yea, that's where the guilt comes in.
For example, today I planned to practice with the Easter choir, however, I stayed up til midnight last night writing a paper for school, a good thing, (3 papers, 3 weeks in a row, really?) so when the time came to get out of bed this morning I rationalized that I needed my sleep, because we are heading out on a trip to California tonight, and I don't want to be overtired. I tend to get a little, shall I say not as fun to be around, when I am overtired, so I stayed in bed, bring on the guilt. Now I need to run, I want to run outside in nice weather, but that doesn't seem to be an option for me today. My brain is trying to find reasons for me to cut my run today, it is supposed to be a little longer 5 mile run as I officially start my training plan for the half marathon this week. I read a friends blog where she said she had been out for her 17 mile run today. Gosh, I haven't even made my 5 miles and I am looking for reasons not to...more guilt. This process repeats for just about everything in my life.
I can run like crazy at work and feel good when I leave, but on the way home, as I evaluate myself, I always find things I could have done better, so instead of feeling good for what I did accomplish, I feel bad about what I didn't accomplish.
I can make healthy eating choices all day long, but then succumb to a binge at the end of the day, do I feel good about all day or focus on the binge and feel guilty? Guilty of course.
I can read my scriptures regularly, but then I talk to someone about what it means to really study scripture and I stop feeling good about what I did, and start feeling bad about no being able to do it better. Guilt
I can work hard to try and show everyone in my family I love them, but then I mess up and in a moment of frustration or a stupid oversight i offend one of them and they doubt how I feel. Guilt
Seriously, it's pretty obvious that Satan knows that guilt is my weakness, it is the fastest way to tear me down and keep me from doing what I need to do. Any good ideas, quotes ways to overcome this, because seriously, it is getting old. I want to move past it. First step....time for my run.
I think part of it is the good, better, best thing. I want to always be using my time for the best things, yet too often I stop at the good, or include time wasters, like watching TV. Yet, if I want to be the best I can, shouldn't I consistently be choosing the best thing to do? Yea, that's where the guilt comes in.
For example, today I planned to practice with the Easter choir, however, I stayed up til midnight last night writing a paper for school, a good thing, (3 papers, 3 weeks in a row, really?) so when the time came to get out of bed this morning I rationalized that I needed my sleep, because we are heading out on a trip to California tonight, and I don't want to be overtired. I tend to get a little, shall I say not as fun to be around, when I am overtired, so I stayed in bed, bring on the guilt. Now I need to run, I want to run outside in nice weather, but that doesn't seem to be an option for me today. My brain is trying to find reasons for me to cut my run today, it is supposed to be a little longer 5 mile run as I officially start my training plan for the half marathon this week. I read a friends blog where she said she had been out for her 17 mile run today. Gosh, I haven't even made my 5 miles and I am looking for reasons not to...more guilt. This process repeats for just about everything in my life.
I can run like crazy at work and feel good when I leave, but on the way home, as I evaluate myself, I always find things I could have done better, so instead of feeling good for what I did accomplish, I feel bad about what I didn't accomplish.
I can make healthy eating choices all day long, but then succumb to a binge at the end of the day, do I feel good about all day or focus on the binge and feel guilty? Guilty of course.
I can read my scriptures regularly, but then I talk to someone about what it means to really study scripture and I stop feeling good about what I did, and start feeling bad about no being able to do it better. Guilt
I can work hard to try and show everyone in my family I love them, but then I mess up and in a moment of frustration or a stupid oversight i offend one of them and they doubt how I feel. Guilt
Seriously, it's pretty obvious that Satan knows that guilt is my weakness, it is the fastest way to tear me down and keep me from doing what I need to do. Any good ideas, quotes ways to overcome this, because seriously, it is getting old. I want to move past it. First step....time for my run.
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