Today was a day of waiting. Waiting for labs, doctors, tests, radiologists and then the doctor again. Although it turns out I really didn't want to hear what they had to say.
Being on the other side of the "waiting game" has sure taught me a lot about nursing and what my patients and their families want and need from me and the place I work. Like a more comfortable chair to sit in and good food available at the time when I can go get it!
I am in kind of a weird place, it's like I am in this bad dream that I am waiting and working to get through, but I know what the end is, and I don't want to reach it, so I keep waiting.
Having the chance to spend with my dad is priceless and I am very glad that I am living where I can be close and I have a job that is allowing me to be there as much as I need to. I am blessed with the experience of being a nurse that helps me explain all the tests and labs and medications decisions etc that seem to be coming at my dad so quickly. My dad worries he's a burden, and in a sense he is, but, that's one burden I don't really want to let go of, so he just needs to deal with the fact that yes it may be inconvenient at times, or painful and difficult, but at this moment in time I wouldn't want to be or do anything different. I love my dad and I want as much time as I can get, making up for a little lost time here, but i don't want him to suffer any more than he has to.
Sometimes I just have to cry and get it out of my system, that's just the way I am, then I can move forward and do what needs to be done. I have a lot of great people supporting me, as do my dad and connie. I am very thankful for that.
I heard a new Martina Mcbride song today where she says "I'm gonna love you through it" and that is exactly what I plan on doing. Gotta find that CD.
PS I have no magic ball that says how much longer my dad will live, I am a nurse, and I can see he is not doing so well, but I am not God, and only God knows when he plans on bringing him home, so please quit asking me, it's stressing me out.
Being on the other side of the "waiting game" has sure taught me a lot about nursing and what my patients and their families want and need from me and the place I work. Like a more comfortable chair to sit in and good food available at the time when I can go get it!
I am in kind of a weird place, it's like I am in this bad dream that I am waiting and working to get through, but I know what the end is, and I don't want to reach it, so I keep waiting.
Having the chance to spend with my dad is priceless and I am very glad that I am living where I can be close and I have a job that is allowing me to be there as much as I need to. I am blessed with the experience of being a nurse that helps me explain all the tests and labs and medications decisions etc that seem to be coming at my dad so quickly. My dad worries he's a burden, and in a sense he is, but, that's one burden I don't really want to let go of, so he just needs to deal with the fact that yes it may be inconvenient at times, or painful and difficult, but at this moment in time I wouldn't want to be or do anything different. I love my dad and I want as much time as I can get, making up for a little lost time here, but i don't want him to suffer any more than he has to.
Sometimes I just have to cry and get it out of my system, that's just the way I am, then I can move forward and do what needs to be done. I have a lot of great people supporting me, as do my dad and connie. I am very thankful for that.
I heard a new Martina Mcbride song today where she says "I'm gonna love you through it" and that is exactly what I plan on doing. Gotta find that CD.
PS I have no magic ball that says how much longer my dad will live, I am a nurse, and I can see he is not doing so well, but I am not God, and only God knows when he plans on bringing him home, so please quit asking me, it's stressing me out.
No comments:
Post a Comment